Last night I read a blog post called “So You Want to Date My Daughter” by Jared Wilson.  Looking at the associated comments, I bet by now we could consider this post “viral.” Read it now so you that will understand the rest of my post.

The title of the post caught my attention as a Christian Dad wanting to be intentional about how I lead my 3 daughters to deal with the issues of dating and marriage. The post made me laugh, challenged me to man-up in my role as a father of daughters, and gave me some great practical ideas for just how to do that.

Jared and I are on the same page biblically when it comes to honoring God and valuing women. While his post made the laugh the ensuing comments from “Christians” made me cry. Who would have thought such a post would capture the passionate attention of many?  We have a problem in the west when it comes to the biblical roles of men and women. The problem is we don’t like God’s design and we think we know better. This of course is offensive to God producing a Romans 1 effect. In a sense, God sometimes judges this kind of sin by saying, “Have it your way.” The results, as evidenced in our culture already, are devastating.

Let me state the obvious biblically no matter your experience in the world:

God’s design is that men are to lead the family and the church spiritually. That’s why he made us Dad’s and Senior Pastors, overseers and elders. That does not mean that women have no place of leadership in the church or in the family. It just means they have a different place of vital and valued leadership in the church and the family per God’s design. Men are supposed to protect their wives and daughters from other evil men even if their wives and daughters are strong and independent. This is, in fact, God valuing women highly and men who love God valuing women highly. When we as men fail to lead spiritually, protect, and provide, then we drop the ball causing a clang of cultural dissonance throughout the generations. When we as men abuse our role given by God or ignore it in apathy we cause revolt against God’s design because of real pain, real abuse, and real anger experienced by sons, daughters, and wives alike. In my view this abuse of God’s design by men is the root sin causing the sometimes understandable yet sinful reactions of feminism, homosexuality, adultery, abuse, etc.

Men of God it’s time to embrace God’s design, love like He does (sacrificially, selflessly, courageously), and stop being abusive or apathetic.

All that from a post called “So You Want to Date My Daughter?” Yes.  Read the comments on Jared’s post.  You will see, the real issue is not Jared’s parenting but a war to embrace or reject God’s design for biblical manhood and womanhood.

12 thoughts on “What’s Behind the Reaction to Jared’s Post?

  1. Does God not work through anyone? Do we not see him work through men and woman equally in the bible? A Woman Pastor should have Nothing to do with the value of a young man…and can be in charge. A woman looks to God and Jesus, Male figures for guidance – this makes them no less important. What they teach can be Identical to what a male teaches and people will still think she is unworthy of the position…. This comment is not to cause an argument by no means, its to point out that God works miraculously and he uses anyone willing to communicate his word. People against a woman being a pastor are simply being judgemental.


  2. Thanks Brian. This is a great post, as is the blog you are referencing. As a Family Pastor, I constantly see young girls who have no idea how to respect themselves. I can almost always trace it to a failure on their dads’ parts to father them. There are things a mother can never teach her daughters. Those things must come from Dad. Blessings.


  3. ,God’s design is that men are to lead the family and the church spiritually. That’s why he made us Dad’s and Senior Pastors, overseers and elders.

    Forgive me, but isn’t that argument a tad tautological? By that I mean, couldn’t egalitarians read that and respond with something to the effect of, “No, that’s NOT why He made us Dad’s [sic], senior pastors, overseers, and elders, but that may be why a so-called ‘complementarian system’ of hegemonic patriarchy ensured that women would be excluded from those roles” (excepting Dads, of course)?

    Regarding Jared’s post, the thing that mystifies me about the way in which large swathes of conservative evangelicalism have gobbled up this whole Josh Harris / Doug Wilson model of courtship is that it’s seen as an unquestionably Biblical response to an admittedly problematic cultural sytem (dating), but you almost never hear any reasoned discussion of the potentially unique problems the courtship model could foster, which, for some couples, could be just as toxic as dating.


  4. Ditto to Sharlene’s comment. Brian and I sat at the kitchen table in the middle of the night discussing the blog and the comments it drew.


  5. I agree with the Jared’s original post and Brian’s comments as well. As the mom of two teenaged boys, I also think there should be rules for dating my son. Such as: don’t call him; he will call you. Do not show cleavage. Do not demand all of his time and money be spent on you. And most of all, do not propose marriage to him!


    1. Amen, Cheri! As a mother of 3 boys (20,14 and 11) and 1 daughter (17), I am thankful my daughter is “old-fashioned” i.e. waiting for the boy to call (or text nowadays), having the boy open the door, dressing appropriately, etc… So many girls now are way too aggressive AND way too promiscuous. Boys are bombarded everywhere they turn.


  6. I red his post yesterday and promptly sent Otto my hubby and 3 brothers. We all have girls. I’m a girl. I’m also one of those independent strong-willed girls you mentioned. I have to say, my Daddy and now my husband protect me from myself in a loving way that only comes from God and His place in their lives and mine. I can easily submit to my husband because he loves me like Christ… I know if it were ever a choice, he would gladly take my place if it ment saving me from something. Just as Christ loves the church so much He laid down His life for us, a husband that loves his wife well will be easy to follow. We argue and disagree, but I know two things, my husbands leadership and decisions are ultimately going to be looked at by God, as are my ability to submit and follow a loving husband. It’s not about easy, fast or convenient. It’s about learning to love God more and seeing how God loves us through our marriage if we have one, our children and their dating. Do it well and you will be blessed, meaning, you put God first, others next and you will be taken care of… It’s a brilliant, if not unconventional truth in this culture, rather, this current world, but it’s a good plan. Thanks for posting Brian… Paul is with you on memorizing certain parts to protect the girls we’ve been blessed with.


  7. Thank you, Brian, for explaining the vitriol in the comments posted about Jared’s list. I could not understand why so many people, women included, could have a problem with the standards Jared listed to insure his daughters’ hearts are protected, but reading you, it became crystal. It is all about submission, once again. Thanks for posting the link on Facebook last night. It was a great read.


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