How are you leading your child through puberty and their natural curiosity about sex?

You have to talk to your children about their changing body and emotions.  This is one subject that is dangerous to sweep under the rug.  When you are eleven you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder who is looking back.  Your emotions run with highs and lows that you never have experienced before.  When you are eleven it would be nice if someone explained what is going on. If possible mom should take the lead on this with daughters and dad’s with sons.  At the same time both parents should be ready, available, and intentional about addressing puberty issues.

Some thoughts here:  Since our changing bodies are such a normal part of life we need to talk about “the change” in normal ways.  Stop the panic, knock off the awkward looks, stop shushing questions about private parts or sex, and start talking about all of that in light of God’s plan. Does that horrify you?  As a dad of three daughters I have learned to make it normal because at first, I was making it awkward mostly because of my own issues. If you want to be the people your kids turn to when it comes to relationships and sex, communicate normally with them about everything in the puberty category. If at this point in life they sense from you any bit of shame associated with their changing body or any hint that sex is dirty instead of a wonderful part of God’s plan, you lose your influence with them in this arena.

This is so hard for parents but such and easy and freeing line of communication. Start talking with your kids about sex before they start asking questions. In our culture that means age ten or eleven is probably too late.  Here’s a great example of how to start early.

When my youngest daughter was two she asked about her private parts like most two year olds do. My wife said, “Oh that hole is made by God.  He put it there so that when you get married you can have babies.” My two year old was satisfied and my wife began to lay the groundwork for a biblical worldview concerning sex and our bodies. In that one sentence she taught our little girl that God designed her private parts for the specific purpose of having babies in the context of marriage. Pretty simple and a very intentional beginning to a conversation that will continue through young adulthood with our daughter. This is not a one-time conversation but an open line of communication.  We make a mistake when we think milestone three is all about “the talk.” If you only have one talk you will fail miserably at leading them in this area of their life.

As their bodies begin to change be open to talk about it.  As they have questions about sex you talk about it.  Before they have questions you explain it.  There are many great biblically based resources out there to help you prepare for  the intentional conversation and equipping associated with puberty.[1] If you attend Kingsland you can find all of these resources in our Legacy Resource Center at church.

As parents intentionally leading our children spiritually we MUST make puberty and sex part of our Milestone 3 Faith Talks with our kids.

[1] For a complete listing of suggested resources visit

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